I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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