My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
