remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
