why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
