I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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