Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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