i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
