U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
