so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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