I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
