Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
