sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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