Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
