Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
