Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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