I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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