ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize