hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
