It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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