I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
