dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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