nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
