Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
