Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize