I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
