So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
