i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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