I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
