so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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