Duck Duck Cougar?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
