Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
