careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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