4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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