my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
