FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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