so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
