Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
cat food counts as protein by the way
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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