Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
