ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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