We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
