so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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