I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will pee on everything he values.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
