Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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