I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize