By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I hate all girls vehemently.
id be glad to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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