U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
