Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
