Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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