WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
