I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
