Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
