I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
