what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
