We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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