i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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