Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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