Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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