8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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