I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
