I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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