We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
