I can text with my tongue
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
