first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I love how my cats smell like pot.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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