did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
