I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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