I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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