she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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