Kiss
Puke
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
