i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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