Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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