He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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