So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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