girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
