the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
