We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
