It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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