don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize