You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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