he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
