did you get engaged???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want a musical about memes.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
