he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
why do cheetos always look like penises
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
