I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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