I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
